Porn is emotional and physical adultery
48287767 – sad wife wiping her tears with a handkerchief after a conflict in a family. her stressed husband in sitting in a background
Porn is emotional and physical adultery; fantasizing about having sex with another woman while having sex with self. As his wife, you are 100 percent within your rights to demand that he get help by taking the five steps immediately. Anything less is for you to enable and even condone your husband treating you like a mistress, or worse, a prostitute.
You have to force the issue to a black-and-white choice with your husband: he must choose which one he wants: sexual sin or you. He can’t have both. You, as a beloved daughter of Christ and his bride, will not allow anything less.
What happens in many marriages where a husband has brow-beaten or manipulated his wife into acceptance of his sexual sin is that the wife loses confidence in herself, doesn’t understand her identity, and ceases to treasure the value of their marriage. The enemy does his part and beats her up too.
Then when her hard-hearted husband blames, blows up, denies, or justifies, she backs down. Eventually, she stops fighting and freefalls into despair or depression.
If your husband reacts this way, your response should be something like this: “No, I’m not buying it. I’m your wife and when we got married, you made a vow to be faithful to me. Porn (or whatever sexual sin he’s involved in) is adultery and is clearly sin in the Bible (you can reference Matthew 5:27–28 if you want). It hurts me and I won’t tolerate it in our marriage. You have to choose which one you want: me or porn. You can’t have both. If you want me, you’re going to have to get help, and I expect you to take these five steps immediately.”
If he starts freaking out and screaming, simply reiterate your position, and if he still keeps going, leave the room or the house. When they’re in that place and keep baiting you, their goal is to draw you into a big fight so they can blow up the smoke screen. Don’t fall for it or get manipulated into taking a rabbit trail that will cause you to deviate from the root issue that he can’t have you and sexual sin.
2. Blames you by saying you aren’t giving him enough sex, being nice to him, supportive, etc. I’ve never heard of a wife who got turned on for sex while knowing her husband was having an affair or masturbating to porn. If he’s doing this, he’s the sex-killer, not you. Go back to the end of chapter two: his choices are 100 percent his responsibility; he has no ground to stand on before you or God. Don’t back down and allow him to guilt you into submission.
3. Refuses to get help. Some men may say something like, “Awww, I don’t need help. I can do this on my own.” Yeah, right. If that were true he would have stopped a long time ago. I’ve never heard of a guy who was in bondage to sexual sin who was able to break free without taking the five steps. Many have tried, including me. What it often boils down to is pride: they don’t want to take off the mask in front of others and confess that they’re not the Holy Joe Christian they’ve pretended to be. If he refuses to get help, what he’s really doing is choosing sexual sin over you, which you must not accept.
Excerpted from Mike Genung’s book, The Wife’s Heart; Healing from Your Husband’s Porn Addiction and Adultery
Photo: Copyright Name: 48287767 – sad wife wiping her tears with a handkerchief after a conflict in a family. her stressed husband in sitting in a background